Colossians 3:18-4:1
There are a lot of relationships in our world that are mutually beneficial. We call these symbiotic relationships.
Coyote and Badger. With speed being their main predatory tactic, coyotes usually rely on open environments to pursue and kill their prey. However, badgers are diggers, capturing their prey whilst resting in their subterranean burrows. In some parts of North America, coyotes have been observed waiting outside burrows for ground squirrels fleeing from an attacking badger. While both parties rarely benefit from any one hunt, the badger also enjoys success thanks to this unlikely relationship. Sensing the danger posed by the coyote, some animals remain in their burrows, allowing the badger a greater opportunity to catch them.
What we see from Paul this morning at the end of Colossians 3 are different examples of these types of relationships, with 1 main difference. In the animal kingdom, both must be working together, but what we see from Paul in our text is that no matter what the other half of the relationship is doing, one must still be carrying out their specific responsibilities. Now, everything works better when both parties are following the standard laid out of course. There is an exception to the rule, and we’ll talk about that here in a few minutes.
Colossians 3:18-4:1
Big Idea: Our relationships give us the opportunity to shine Jesus to the world.
There are 3 relationships here. The relationship between husbands and wives, fathers and their children, bondservants and masters. Paul has just spent some time talking about the person and work of Jesus, and how our lives should be different as a result of our relationship with Him. Remember, everything in this letter is to encourage the young church to continue fighting for truth. Now, he turns to specific relationships in which Jesus can shine forth.
1.. Husbands / Wives
Wives
We need to understand the cultural context at the time when this was written to really see just how revolutionary this idea of submission would have been. Now, before some of you tune me out here, let’s define the word, and talk about what it does NOT mean. The literal translation means to place under in an orderly fashion or to line up under and was commonly used in military terms. The spiritual implication brings with it an obedient spirit, respect, and willingness to serve.
~ It doesn’t mean that a woman has any less worth than a man. It does not mean that she is inferior. In fact, in 1 Peter 3:7 we see that men and women are co-heirs of the grace of Jesus. Both are made in the image of God, Genesis 1.
~ It does not mean it is absolute. There may be times that the wife must say no because the husband’s desires violate the Word of God. In Acts 5, the High Priest is questioning Peter and other apostles who had been arrested for preaching Christ. When asked why they continued to preach, Peter responded, “We must obey God rather than men.” God tells us to submit to authority, but not if it means doing something that opposes His Word.
~ It also doesn’t mean that the husband gets to hand down authoritative rule over his wife. That’s not what the word submission means.
WIth all that in mind, listen to the cultural context as laid out by pastor and theologian William Barclay:
“Under Jewish law a woman was a thing; she was the possession of her husband, just as much as his house or his flocks or his material goods were. She had no legal right whatsoever. For instance, under Jewish law, a husband could divorce his wife for any cause, while a wife had no rights whatsoever in the initiation of divorce. In Greek society a respectable woman lived a life of entire seclusion. She never appeared on the streets alone, not even to go marketing. She lived in the women’s apartments and did not join her menfolk even for meals. From her there was demanded a complete servitude and chastity; but her husband could go out as much as he chose, and could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked and incur no stigma. Both under Jewish and under Greek laws and custom, all the privileges belonged to the husband, and all the duties to the wife.”
Submission was seen as a requirement in marriage. It was oppressive and extremely difficult to live under the authoritative rule of the husband. But what Paul is calling women to is a submission driven by a willingness to serve out of a deep respect for her husband. It’s a completely different attitude. She is not to be thought of as any less of a human being, but is to understand the roles that the Lord has laid out in Scripture. Just as Jesus was equal with God, but was willingly obedient out of a deep respect for His Father, so a wife is to understand that her value is equal with that of her husbands, and develop a heart of respectful submission towards him.
In order for this to work at it’s full effectiveness, the husband has a very specific role as well.
Husbands
This is not a love that is driven by passion or emotion, but is a love that is driven by a desire to serve. One pastor encourages husbands to ask the question at the end of the day, “what sacrifices did I make today to enhance her well-being?” To love our wives in this way means that we should be outserving her. I did so much reading this week that challenged me in so many ways.
Thoughts like this:
“It is unthinkably absurd for a Christian husband to demand submission of his wife if he is not radically (i.e., supernaturally) loving her.”
Remember, men at that time viewed their wives as property, and it was unthinkable that a man would willingly serve his wife. But it goes beyond sacrificial love. This is the concept that really hit me in a tough but fresh way:
“Just as Christ works to present His church to Himself as a glorious bride in a glorious marriage, should not the husband work to make his wife glorious and their marriage glorious? Jesus Christ "gave Himself" for the Church. It was a sacrifice of his life and a willingness to suffer so that his Bride, the Church, might be radiant with glory.”
In other words, it is the husband’s responsibility to present his bride radiating with glory. Yes, serve and love, but what does it mean to present my wife radiant with the glory of Christ. Can you imagine if we viewed our wives like this? It would never be about us! It would always be about making them better. It would always be about elevating them. It would always be about preaching Christ to them. I don’t think this is theologically accurate, but just imagine that we are standing before Jesus one day presenting our wives to Him? Is she radiating His glory?
Now, wives, don’t hear me say that you don’t have a personal responsibility to pursue Jesus, to grow in knowledge and wisdom, that’s not what I’m saying. But men, when we can look at our wives as sisters in Christ whom we have been given responsibility over, it isn’t just about lovingly serving, but it’s about discipleship.
And then, only then does that symbiosis begin to happen. The husband, sacrificially loving his wife with a desire to see her radiate the glory of Jesus, I mean think about this, our wives wouldn’t be able to help but respect us and willingly follow our lead!
And when this relationship is working like this, when both parties are living in this way, it is a picture of Jesus and His church. It is a picture of the gospel. Jesus shines in, through, and out of our marriages! What a privilege.
2.. Children / Parents
Children
This one is pretty self-explanatory. But the motivation laid out by Paul is really important. Obey your parents, because it pleases the Lord. And we see this throughout the text. Verse 18, “as is fitting in the Lord.” Verse 20, “for this pleases the Lord.” Verse 22, “fearing the Lord.” Verse 23, “as for the Lord.” The motivation behind all of these interactions is to honor the Lord. So children, even when you don’t feel like obeying in the moment, remember that your obedience is pleasing to the Lord. Now, here is where another exception lies, because children should not obey if obedience would lead them to a place that goes against the Word and will of God.
Fathers (Mothers)
Fathers, and by implication, mothers, do not exasperate your children. Do not do anything that would intentionally frustrate your children. And the 2nd part of this verse is the one that really hits hard: “lest they become discouraged.” I’ve seen this happen with my girls. In a moment of frustration I can take my reprimand a little too far, and I can see when their spirit breaks, and in that moment I know I messed up, that I took my discipline too far. And this breaks my heart because I would never want to do anything to discourage them, to break them down.
What would this look like? What are some examples? I found some really great ones this week:
Overprotection--never allowing them any liberty, strict rules about everything. They do not trust their kids and the child despairs and can lead to rebellion.
By lack of standards (the opposite of overprotection). These children are left to their own. They cannot handle that freedom and begin to feel insecure & unloved.
By showing favoritism
By setting unrealistic goals--by never rewarding them. Nothing is enough so they never get full approval.
By failing to show affection (verbally & physically).
By not providing for their legitimate needs.
By destructive criticism.
By excessive discipline.
Parents, the world is watching, especially when they know that we are Christians. Does the way that you respond to your kids shine Jesus. When you’re walking through Target and they keep grabbing stuff off the shelves, how do you handle that? Parenting is yet another opportunity to show the world a different way, a way influenced by the gospel of Jesus.
Bondservants / Masters
Much like the child/parent relationship, a servant is called to obey out of a desire to please the Lord. Don’t do it for the acceptance of man. Don’t do it to be seen by others, but obey, often quietly, even if it’s only the Lord who notices. Why? Because it’s the Lord who gives the inheritance. It doesn’t come from man, maybe earthly for a time, but the eternal inheritance in glory is given by the Lord, so live and work to please Him above all.
And masters, treat your bondservants fairly, not harshly, but balancing the scales, because you have a Master in heaven who is watching how you treat them. We could take this relationship and move it into the workplace in our day. Bosses, treat your employees fairly and with respect. Employees, work hard and do your job to the best of your ability, because that pleases the Lord.
Application
Whether a husband, wife, parent or child. Boss or employee, our relationships give us an opportunity to show people who Jesus is. He is patient, He is kind. He loves sacrificially, and He is just. When we begin to look at people as brothers and sisters in Christ, and understand that our interactions with each other can actually be away to preach the gospel, it will change that way that we live.
We’ll listen first. We’ll love fiercely. We’ll elevate others above ourselves. We’ll work hard. And ALL of this, all of it, is first and foremost because it pleases the Lord. We do it for Him. We aren’t people pleasers. We don’t do it for the approval of man. We do it because it pleases our heavenly Father. Then, once that is our mindset, we use it to show Jesus to the world.
Husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands. Children, obey your parents. Parents, don’t exasperate your kids. Bosses, treat your employees fairly. Employees, work hard. All so that the Father would be pleased, and so the world would see Jesus.
